Good Heart

My mom always remind me to have a good heart, she said it's very hard for a person to have a good heart. Sometimes I find it annoying to be nice, I mean seriously, people are taking advantages and you're actually letting it. I agree with my mom it is hard! Nowadays people actually think what they did is right when it's actually wrong! With a shameless face putting an angel sign on their head by faking a stories which points out that they were right all the time. Not all people can take their responsibilities on their mistakes. To be honest, I'm scared of responsibilities. I remembered this one time my maid complement me because I never wet my bed. I was so proud of that title until one day I actually wet my bed (That happens a loooooooonnnngg time ago, just to be clear) I tried to cover it up my cleaning and drying my bed and I asked my sister to cover me up by saying it was hers. But I get caught anyway. My point is responsibilities is hard! To have a good heart, yeah what do I know?


Hatred. To tell you the truth I have hatred more than love. I hate to talk, I hate looking at people making mistakes, I hate silly remarks I hate everything. But one day when you open your eyes and try to recall everything, you did everything that you hate without you knowing or not. What I'm saying here is nobody's perfect. So what if you hate stuff it's freaking normal. People see me as an innocent,happy-go-lucky girl but do I have to be happy all the time? I would still have a bad day or maybe something I hate happens? Hate. That's what keeping you from being happy. And by looking at my hate level I'm not doing so good back there. Did you ever realize that when you hate you heart beat actually beats faster than usual? I don't know about you guys but I felt it! I can't control it, I mean who can? Same goes to when you're loving someone. It can't be controlled! But tell me who can simply forgive and forget? It's hard mom! I can still remember when my brother provokes me in the car and I ended up crying with no one there to comfort me(Which makes me hate my brother more). I forgive him but I can never forget!


Sometimes I cried without reason and I'll ask myself why am I crying. Like somethings wrong with me and I don't know what. Probably I have a lot of sin that I couldn't remember. But seriously I'm going nuts!  I hate seeing people living in their life, pretending to be happy when they don't give a slightest care about what's happening to their surroundings. They say when your heart is fulfilled you will be the happiest person in the world. But every greatness comes with consequences. Think wise because sometimes your head said the other when your heart says otherwise. Let me just say in every evil there's good in it and every good there's evil in it. Sometimes what your heart desire is more like a wants than a needs. To differentiate them you'll need a good heart. If you get my point here, you'll see that everything you did or say is related to having a good heart. The way you react, the way you treat people. Denial will only slow you down~ Good luck finding your good heart!

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Stage Fright

   

This is the first ever Charity Concert I have ever get involved. My performence here is a bit shaky and you can tell by my body langage I'm quite nervous. My friend, Soraya who sang the first verse is used to this kinda thing. She's kinda like a performer herself. This is my first big performence. I thought I'm cool but I get down here. I'm about to pull myself out from this thingy but I would regret my whole life because this is the most great opportunities Madam Mimi ( Teacher in charge) have ever gives to any people in my class. I did forget some lyrics though but who cares, I did it! Yeah so enjoy~ 

You know that feeling when you're riding a roller coaster? Yeah I think I experience it without riding on one by standing in front of the stage with all eyes on you! Stage fright~ Yup I experience it since high school. It happened during our Music class where girls have to sing this perfectly high pitched song ("Sally Garden" something like that) and I guess you have stage fright when you're singing in front of people. I wanted people to love my voice and amazed them but i ended up by sounding so horrible ( like a squeking mouse) and it was so embarrassing! I didn't know I can sing until I reached 16. Sad right? 

Why do we have stage fright? For my case, it's because I wanted to impress people I don't know. Insecurities and I wanted people to be amazed by my so-called talent. High expectation from the crew makes me even nervous. I missed all the fun of performing because I let my fear control me. I let it in, after the show I actually enjoyed it. During the performence I'm too nervous I actually gave a little squek. People don't have to be impressed by your talent, just know what you are capable of and let it go. Yeah true it's easy to be said than done, but this performing thingy show me one thing, you don't know what you are capable of unless you show your strunt~ It was an amazing feeling :')

Good luck guys and don't be afraid of facing people. It's normal to feel embarrassed and stage fright happens because you can't help it, just remind yourself that if you're not doing it now, when are you going to do it then~ Remember that you are not the only one who are facing the same feeling. 

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Mind Game

 For the past 1million years ago (or even before than) people are superstitious. Even until now actually. They actually believe that some mind games like tarot cards and palm reading is actually what they'll achieve in the future and what destiny wanted them to be. Everyone wanted the best in their life. No one will even wanted to hear the bad part in each climax. But imagine if we already knows what's gonna happen to us, people will have less effort to achieve their goals by thinking at the end they'll get what they want. Hmmp so much for future reading. We'll ask what we wanted to hear and people will take advantage of this and tell you what you want to hear instead of what you need to hear. You know yourself better than anyone else so you should know better. Anyway just try this and believe what you want, but you yourself know better~ Enjoy!

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Not so far from June

1st of July!!! This is so fast and I didn't even notice how face time flies. 2days ago me and Soraya just did a concert together and boy I don't believe we actually did it. It was my first ever awesomest feeling I have ever felt. It was not bad~ And now I know how stage fright can cause someone to be so so so so clumsy and shaky. But we did it! 29th of June just after my birthday~ 

I can't upload the video but I'll try later. And today is a very special day for a special friend. It's her birthday!! We share our birthday on the same week. I love you Sharon. Thanks for sharing all the weirdness with me. Always there to understand my situation when nobody can understand. Always been there when I need all the support I should get. You're the best thing that happens during my best and worst. So I've made this video for you. And thanks to Soraya too for giving me pictures of all of us~ *cheek hugs* Happy birthday Sharon baby <3

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June Is Here

In case you readers don't know, my birthday is on the 28th of June! Yay June! I'm getting excited for my 19th birthday this year~ I shared the same happiness with my best cousin! She's celebrating her 18th birthday on th 4rd of June, which is tomorrow! So I've made her a video since I can't be in Sabah to celebrate her birthday together. I wish her all the best and Mil, I love you!

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Real in a Person

Why do people hide their true self from other people to see? Other than trying to fit in it's also because we don't know our true self until something showed up. They're not faking, NO! ( That's how people judged them nowadays, especially teens) In order for you to find you true self you have to make mistakes, try new stuff etc. But with all the judging I can see why most of us are lost,  most will deny but let's not play psycho stuff here~

So now we're in a whole new year so people might as well change to improve themselves~ I can't see what's real and what's not now. Everything is so confusing I might just press the restart button to start all over again to change the past but we all know that whatever happens always had their reasons. Despite from living far from my family, I'm having a whole new perspective towards people. For whatever reason, people will eventually change towards a situation and somehow their true self reveals. Take me as an example, I got into a few dramas (It's high school all over again) this past few weeks and I have to admit it's fun but when someone over reacted you would love for them to just get it over with. ( It's like Indon drama and I hate how Indon drama have to be so complicated)

Any complication is like a messy yarn balls. Untie it slowly and solve it calmly or cut it short where everything would be different from before and it comes with regret. Don't over react or do things without second thought. The way you handle things is your greatest advantages and I'm not saying I didn't do any mistakes. I did even though I know it's the opposite way but without us  realizing, each of us will do something unconsciously (I'm not saying it's not our fault), but it's our teenage nature. I'm typing this so I would remember how I feel when I was a teenager soon enough so I would understand why my kids will do it.

Whatever your character is don't change it. That's what makes you YOU! Pretenses and all those bullshitting would only turn you into a jerk~ But don't ever judge people because you can't tell what they have been through. Just remember everyone has their own story and if they don't want you to be in their part of story, they're just passing through in your chapter of life. Cheers! :)

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I Made This for You Edith

As I promised you Edith Wong my madu, ( I don't remember when but around early December I think) this is the cover especially made for you and the baby (HAHA JOKING)~ Enjoy AND MERRY CHRISTMAS! <3

This I promise you~

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