Last month when I cried about getting into my campus, he actually trying to make a conversation with me. He tried I understand. Thanks for the advice Bro but I'm sorry. That's just not me. And for her, she never stop talking about my brother, sometimes i'm jealous at my brother, he already have everything, love, intelligence, freedom but why he's always mad? He never satisfied with what he have now. Even the spotlight is on him, every year, my year included! It was the worst year ever. I already have everything but why do I feel.. heavy? I never felt this sad before. I wish I knew why. My dream was to be a happy filthy millionaire but it happens to be a hard job done. While in real life, there's just too many dramas going on. She tried her best to guide me. She's not a bad person. I never blamed her for anything. Sometimes I wonder whether if i'm a burden in her life. I wish I could say no. It's hard to please someone. I don't want you to be pleased, I want you to be proud. I'll get to it somehow.
I'm a typical girl. I have husky voice and i'm not that tall. I'm the first daughter in my family. I can be really friendly and I can be a real bitch sometimes. But mostly I'll stay low and get out from everybody's way. I've changed but part of me still remains. I love privacy but I want people to know what's going on. If I can get a time machine I would go back time to watch me make mistakes and laugh at it. No regrets. I'm not sorry for my imperfections~
Sunday, 17 July 2011
Reality
I used to hate her so much. She never listen to what I want to express. She never try to understand me. She yell at small little matters. She makes me do all the things I don't want to do. Everything, just about everything was in her hand. I'm the stubborn type. You just can't correct me even though i'm completely wrong. That's just how I am. I can change but my pride is too high! There's a similarities between me and my brother. Me and my brother are the same. He and I both wanted more in life with a stubborn attitude. He's the type who wants everything in his list to be completed. Well he did alright and he's just getting more demanding each and every year. Me? I'm more of a flexible person, if I can't get what I want, never mind. I'll get it myself! Can you see the difference? I get what I want with my effort while my brother are served with golden spoon. I don't mind actually as long as I can see the difference. From the beginning my brother has been the apple to my family's eye. He was always the priorities since he's the eldest. I respect him but he never did. Sometimes I wish I was the first to be born but that wouldn't change a thing, would it? He gets everything he wants, with a little persuasion of course and it RARELY goes wrong. Is it wrong if a daughter wish for the same thing? Of course I can think of the situation but I closed my door for my brother. Can he actually see that? When I was about to continue my studies he actually planned to tag along. Not under his will of course but it was supposed to be my year. Call me selfish but me and my brother never actually talk about our personal problems. We're not even close. We fight he even hit me! My year and he's spoiling it. I wish I could do something about that but I couldn't. It's was suppose to be my year! Disappointment is the one thing I could describe that day. You can see me through it. I was devastated!
Last month when I cried about getting into my campus, he actually trying to make a conversation with me. He tried I understand. Thanks for the advice Bro but I'm sorry. That's just not me. And for her, she never stop talking about my brother, sometimes i'm jealous at my brother, he already have everything, love, intelligence, freedom but why he's always mad? He never satisfied with what he have now. Even the spotlight is on him, every year, my year included! It was the worst year ever. I already have everything but why do I feel.. heavy? I never felt this sad before. I wish I knew why. My dream was to be a happy filthy millionaire but it happens to be a hard job done. While in real life, there's just too many dramas going on. She tried her best to guide me. She's not a bad person. I never blamed her for anything. Sometimes I wonder whether if i'm a burden in her life. I wish I could say no. It's hard to please someone. I don't want you to be pleased, I want you to be proud. I'll get to it somehow.
True Story
Last month when I cried about getting into my campus, he actually trying to make a conversation with me. He tried I understand. Thanks for the advice Bro but I'm sorry. That's just not me. And for her, she never stop talking about my brother, sometimes i'm jealous at my brother, he already have everything, love, intelligence, freedom but why he's always mad? He never satisfied with what he have now. Even the spotlight is on him, every year, my year included! It was the worst year ever. I already have everything but why do I feel.. heavy? I never felt this sad before. I wish I knew why. My dream was to be a happy filthy millionaire but it happens to be a hard job done. While in real life, there's just too many dramas going on. She tried her best to guide me. She's not a bad person. I never blamed her for anything. Sometimes I wonder whether if i'm a burden in her life. I wish I could say no. It's hard to please someone. I don't want you to be pleased, I want you to be proud. I'll get to it somehow.
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